Well, it's oval! The mathematical name for an oval is an ellipse taking the general equation [(x-a)^2/h^2]+[(y-b)^2/k^2]=0, where on a Cartesian coordinate system (a,b) would give the center of the ellipse and the ellipse would have a width of 2h and a height of 2k. There are two foci for an ellipse. The sum of the distances from any point on the surface of the ellipse to the two foci is constant and the distance between these two foci is called the focal distance. When these two foci merge into one, you get a special kinda ellipse known as a circle i.e. h=k in the general equation. There are importances to foci of a elliptical curve and that's how satellite dishes and acoustic systems of big theaters based on. Still, it's oval! Anyway, it's a pun...
Well, time has zoomed past pretty fast 'cos it's been 3 weeks since I spotted that oval. Humph, it's still a pun...I know I'm getting a 'lil corny. Last weekend I went to St. James and I bumped into only quite a handful of friends. Many were quite shocked to see me I supposed 'cos I haven't been clubbing lately. In fact, that would mark the end to my clubber lifestyle. Many things inspired me to quit clubbing and I'll tell you the reasons in no time...
I met this guy called Jim lately. Well, nice look and nice bod. Establishing his career and I see that he's ambitious and having a promising career in front of him. He's younger than me and he doesn't club. What does clubbing offer me? Nothing much actually aside from burning a hole in my pocket: the cover charge, the drinks, the supper and the cab fare home. Well, I get to know a few more guys whom I know that with a hectic school life I couldn't keep in contact with (so I hope if you guys read my blog here you know why it's very hard to get me out during school term.) The time spent being high and the hangover the next day makes you not able to operate effectively and efficiently. I think it's time to relabel clubbing as an occasional events than a routine like before especially now I have 6 tuition kids to juggle and close friends I wanna get closer with.
I have kinda reformed my life and know what I want and now I'm trying to steer myself out of the scene and focusing on things that I want to accomplish. I wanna try trekking. Snorkeling would come in if Songda doesn't put my aeroplane 'cos we agreed to go Redang in our midterm break. I'm trying to plan a Cambodia-Vietnam-Myammar backpack trip at the end of this year. And there are just simply a lot of things that I wanna learn!
I have been crazy shopping over the past week and I got a crazy load of things: (1) a pair of Adidas track shoes; (2) a Nike singlet; (3) a Guess belt; (4) DKNY Be Delicious Men's Green Apple fragrance (ha, since I got it earlier than Daren, he has no reason to call me copycat and I could call him copycat if we used it together when we hang out!); (5) a sketch book; (6) a couple of tee-shirts. Oh...I still need a shoe bag and some swimming and gym gear.
Schedule for the next semester is out already and I've a really bad time table. I'm doing a 28 AU schedule with 9 modules inclusive of FYP. It's kinda mad. Today I went back to school to print notes with Zhuoguan after swimming together. It's really OMG when I looked at the notes! Full of equations and they seem somewhat very distant after a 3 month break. Humph...it's time to work hard again! My modules are gross: (1) BG3002 Controls in Biosystems (2) BG3003 Signal Process in Biosystems (3) BG3004 Biomedical Imaging (4) BG3005 Biomedical Instrumentation (5) BG3006 Advanced Biocomputational Methods (6) BG3071 Bioengineering Lab 3 (7) BG4225 Physiological Engineering and Artificial Organs (8) MB218 International Financial Management or MB219 Principles of Risk and Insurance (Result for elective would be out tomorrow!) (9) FYP - on the URECA project I was on for the past one year! Maybe I'll put a copy of my time table here when it's finalized so you guys know when you could call me out!
I needa get something done for the time being...
Hyperbolic insanity!
Thursday, July 24, 200823:01
Perfect Cut
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
This is a song by Sinhuey for the 10 pm show on Channel U called Perfect Cut...
过去的批评嘲讽 (Let it go, let it go) 过去的轻蔑冷落 (Let it go, let it go) 有些人口不饶人 却忘了瞧瞧自己 又有什么资格
时刻都善良待人 (Let's move on, let's move on) 时刻都做好本分 (Let's move on, let's move on) 有些人心思浅薄 绝不是宽容 自暴自弃的理由
Recently, I've got to make another close friend. Ha...this guy he treated me to cakes at Cedele 'cos he felt sad for those bottles of liquor that I broke. Technically, I didn't break them 'cos they fell off the shelf. He told me that he noticed my profile a while back but he never wanted to send me a message. He added that he felt that I was hot and was afraid that I didn't want to make friends with him. Humph 'cos that set me wondering since when have I been so superficial. Well, maybe I truly was...I replied messages people sent me based on the pictures they have on their profiles. I mean I couldn't entertain to everyone. But I have to make it clear that I do not reply based on the profile pictures solely, it also depends on the stuff they write in the messages. Like Vance said, what is there to reply to a hi? What about bye?
Cedele! Yummy! No need to use so many cutlery for 2 slices of cake right?
Chocolate Truffle - packed full with chocolaty goodness!
Here here! Wrong focus! Da da...the Ruby Strawberry Cheesecake!
Well, the human eyes are attracted to things that are aesthetically appealing. That forms the initial attraction. If there is chemistry, then it becomes a date. There's much more to a person than just physical look alone really. Think about what if someone who likes to pick his nose and eats his booger (Xiaotian, I know you're going to point at me! Opps...I joke about eating them but I'm seriously going to stick it on your lab coat the next time. 'Cos I haven't gotten rid of the Hi you wrote on mine!) I mean even if someone looks hot and has some cranky habit. It's such a turn off right?
And how does chemistry come about? It comes from learning to appreciate the inner beauty of another person...
I have all along told people that physical appearance is all about dressing and grooming. These are things that could be learnt and not borned with. I don't think I would agree with Daren; I don't think I'm hot but I know that I'm at least presentable. And comparing to the past, I think I look better now. If you don't believe, log on to Friendster and check me out (and have a good laugh with those pictures of course.) We need to learn how to laugh at ourselves at times. Well, about half a year ago, I realized that one of my two upper incisors has a crack. This tooth gave me a lot of problem since it got a serious knock in a fall during dance practice a decade back. I went to NDC and had it examined. The dentist told me that this tooth wouldn't last very long 'cos this crack is likely an indication of a fracture. Well, that tooth would be gone in a few years time. I don't want to be wearing a denture so I guess the next best thing is an implant. But an implant is permanent so I couldn't not shift the position of the implant once it's fixed. So if I wanted to correct my teeth, I have to do braces first before I could have the implant. Well all in all, it's going to cost about $8 000. But phew~, it's not going to be a lump sum payment. I guess I have to come up with the $4 000 I need for the braces first.
There's this person whom I got to know online for not very long. He had been very persistent in asking me how was my exdate like, what we used to talk about, what we used to do, etc. It's really annoying when I got to know that he wanted to know me through the things we did. That's not very sincere in his attempt to make friends. People behave differently in different circumstances. How my exdate felt about me would definitely be different from how he would feel about me if we ever met up. Secondly, the thing he annoyed me was how he refused to let me see his cam when he had already shown me a picture of himself. I prefer to cam chat with someone new 'cos I get to familiarize his face (and no other purpose! Duh!) His reason for refusal was that I haven't got over my exdate. Those were separate issues, weren't they? It didn't feel very coherent and it made me feel that he's hiding something from me! Thirdly, I had no one to have dinner with a few days back. He told me he wouldn't mind having dinner and I gave him my number. He said he'd message me and confirm the time and venue. Well, I waited and waited. Nothing. Later, he told me he lost his mobile phone and couldn't contact me. Oh...what a coincidence. Conclusion: he's really very not sincere. Action: blocked!
Personally, I think that he's a very ugly person. He looked not bad in his picture really (unless that's a picture of someone else.) 'Cos he thought that people judge him based on look. Well, it's not possible that we could not make a first impression based on look but someone who put in excessive efforts to make himself look so good that he lost himself is in fact very ugly no matter how physically appealing he has become.
I made a trip down to Nokia Care Center yesterday. Of course to get my phone fixed 'cos of 5 dead pixels. They came out together overnight in a row. Well, of course they got it fixed for me 'cos it's definitely a manufacturing problem.
I went out with Thad to Southern Ridges a few days back. It rained. Certain parts of the whole walk give magnificent views. How perfect it'd be if I hadn't gone with him but with someone I treasure and who treasures me? He told me how he developed with his current date. It's nice to hear that he's doing fine in his current relationship. But it's funny how he asked about how I thought we could try out again if we were both single. I don't think it'd ever be possible again. Time has changed and so have I. And me? I'm still trying to get contact with Ben - to give our story an end. Or maybe it has already ended...
I'm not seeing anyone lately though there is someone I wanna know better at a personal level. I don't think I'm ready to handle a relationship as yet but I wouldn't mind dating and see how things turn out. Maybe Keltio is right. Forever love is nonexistent. How long is forever? Lifetime? And yet, how long is a lifetime? No one knows. The most important thing I somewhat got to figure is to enjoy the present - together. And respect the other as another being who wants to share his life with you as much as you wanna share your life with him. It's late...I needa be going and opps, sorry for not updating in a while.
Oh yah! It was Chookeat's birthday last week! Happy birthday Chookeat! Another year older...hehe!
This old man...he plays not one but twenty something! Not telling you though...
Reformation in progress...
Thursday, July 17, 200802:11
Broken Silence?
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Last night about this time, a support beam of my wall shelf buckled under the weight of my vodka collection and sent the whole unit down. Well, luckily for me I was at the dining hall away from my usual site beneath the shelf. Otherwise, I wouldn't be sitting here...
The tumbling sound ruined the night - the shattering sound of the liquor bottle broke the silence. The event was somehow fated. It seems to be telling me that someone has to break this tension we find ourselves in to give both of us a direction...
...a huge outburst happened last Friday that sent us into this deep silent - the aftermath of a supernova. And this silence is tormenting me...
Old people say that it's never a good idea to make a pair of slippers a gift no matter the occasion 'cos it symbolizes that you're asking this person to leave. I'm not sure if I'm being superstitious but it seems like ever since you bought me that pair of slippers, we ran into a lot of issues. If those were merely problems, it's really fine 'cos we could work through them. But these occurrences were somewhat the roots of our conflict. Given a choice, I would rather not have that pair of slippers and just have a simple life...
Perhaps, I wouldn't lead us to this state not for my extreme selfishmess and insensitivity. Maybe Thad was right in the sense that I 'love' based on what I feel it should be rather than trying to be understanding and compassionate. Maybe...
My life is now like my room last night - in total wreckage. The shelf collapsed in matter of seconds but it took a total of about 11 hours to clear the mess up - and restoration work is yet to be done. Well, maybe time is the solution to everything...just maybe.
I have written a letter for you...but I guess you need time to get over everything. No, I'm not trying to act like a humble person taking all the blames now. I know I'm very unreasonable whenever I fight...and I really am. But I hope we could really get over this fast regardless the outcome...
I've learnt an important lesson this round and I never hope to commit it again...
Love is marvelous for it can multiply joy and divide burden to those who trust its ability...and trust is all it needs!
Saturday, July 12, 200804:56
Sand Storm...
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Wind is strong...capable of stirring up a sand storm. But the sand storm is not capable of sustaining without the wind.
I'm tired. A lot of unexplained events. I'm taking a short break off everything...
As fast as it rises, a sand storm has to calm down.
Dust to dust.
Friday, July 11, 200814:50
Greetings from Hong Kong
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Tuesday night while I was at the airport going home after having dinner with Dad, Xiaotian called me and used her super act cute squeeky voice to ask: Sam, do you miss Princess? Haha...it's super act cute lor! Dots...so act cute I didn't understand and went huh! Lalalala and she was so disappointed. Opps. She got me out for dinner on Wednesday and she got me so much surprises: a half dozen box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a lot of Stitch toys from Disneyland! So happy!
Krispy Kreme...kum kum! Opps...sounds wrong! Not all things could start with K and still sound yummy...
Go figure which is which...
I still love the picture of Stitch using his tongue digging for bogger.
Lately, a lot of issues happened between Ben and me. And being my short tempered self, I sometimes couldn't control myself and got back him. I feel bad. Really bad especially I know that currently he's very moody and he needs my attention the most. I'm trying to be a better person...but it's really hard to. I'm trying my best to change for the better of us two. It's hard to walk through all these alone...but you'll never be alone 'cos I'll always be there. You know the reason too...
What a lasy Prince...
Last night I came back to school 'cos I needa finish some stuff in the lab and also to take care of Prince 'cos Xiaotian had to go back to Malaysia on a family trip. Starting this 'lil princey boy was so sweet: he kept coming up to me and purred on my hand. Later when you got tired and wanted to sleep then you knew what was irritating. The whole night he was walking up and down on me. And if I ever moved in the comforter he'd jump on the part that move and bite. And that'd shock me and I would wake up. After a while, I couldn't take it and I took the comforter off to stop his constant pouncing on me. He got bored I guess 'cos he curled up beside me and slept. I took a picture of it and he looked so cute...but nothing beats my baby boy.
Love makes you want to hug your other half after that person made you feel like killing him...
Tuesday, July 08, 200822:17
Love You 'Til the End...
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
I stayed up late last night to watch P.S. I Love You. It's a really old show but it's still really touching. I love the start absolutely. The part where Holly and Jerry fought after coming back from Holly's mom's place: they way they still love each other after that heated argument. Like Holly's friend said: being married means giving and putting up with all the nonsense you give each other and yet still willing to be with each other. And I guess that's what love is all about.
This song, Love You 'Til the End by the Pogues, is a soundtrack of this show...it's really nice aside from the coarse voice of the singer.
Love You 'Til the End - The Pogues
I just want to see you When you're all alone I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there when the morning light explodes On your face it radiates I can't escape I love you 'til the end
I just want to tell you
nothing you dont want to hear All I want is for you to say Oh, why dont you just take me where I've never been before? I know you want to hear me catch my breath I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end
I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end
I just want to be there When you're caught in the rain I just want to see you laughter cry I just want to feel you when the night puts on its cloak I'm lost for words Don't tell me 'Cos all I can say I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end
I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end (All I can say) I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end (It's all I can say) I love you 'til the end I love you 'til the end i love you 'til the end...
I love you...'til the end.
Saturday, July 05, 200813:09
Seeing through the Red Dust...
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Frazer always puts the 3 elements of relationships beside his mouth: (1) intention; (2) attention; and (3) no tension. It's amazing how true it is. First you must have an intention i.e. your way of thoughts. After that you need to put in effort and time to bring your thoughts across and that's attention. Finally you must make sure that everything feels comfortable to both i.e. no tension.
...I don't know what lies between the two of us now. Intention seems to be hazy. It looks as if it is there but not quite. It's time that we have to sort out what we want from each other...
...would you love me still, tomorrow?
Friday, July 04, 200817:59
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
This is my all time favorite...I love this song a lot! It's a soundtrack from the movie a Cinderella Story. It's a modern day version of Cinderella...
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful Stop me and steal my breath Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky Never revealing their depth Tell me that we belong together Dress it up with the trappings of love I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder I'll be your love suicide And I'll be better when I'm older I'll be the greatest fan of your life
Rain falls angry on the tin roof As we lie awake in my bed You're my survival, you're my living proof My love is alive not dead Tell me that we belong together Dress it up with the trappings of love I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder I'll be your love suicide And I'll be better when I'm older I'll be the greatest fan of your life
I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said
I'll be your crying shoulder I'll be your love suicide And I'll be better when I'm older I'll be the greatest fan of your life
...tell me that we belong together.
17:26
Collide - Howie Day
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Collide - Howie Day
The dawn is breaking A light shining through You're barely waking And I'm tangled up in you Yeah
But I'm open, you're closed Where I follow, you'll go I worry I won't see your face Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find You and I collide
I'm quiet you know You make a frist impression I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes Even the stars refuse to shine Out of the back you fall in time I somehow find You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to ryhme Out of the doubt that fills your mind You finally find and I collide
You finally find You and I collide
You finally find You and I collide
Collision brings sparks...that add light into the darkness
15:31
The Deep Impact...
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
You told me before I left my MSN: and i wanna say i do miss you. 2259 - one to eleven. It left a deep impact.
I might have kissed you on you lips. The whole night the tension was high. It was awaiting to be broken. No one initiated. I would have kissed you on your lips. I felt so intertwined with you emotionally - so tightly bound I do not know how to untangle nor I want to untangle. I could have kissed you on your lips. If I didn't wait until your dad came back. I didn't know if you were waiting for that moment too. I was. Eagerly. And I should have kissed you on your lips.
I checked my blog before I slept. You tagged: it'll be one day. 2252 - eight to eleven. It left me with so much hopes and so much doubts. The openendedness...
All the what ifs...what a coward I was. I don't mind losing this friendship. If it were to mean a last long passionate kiss - to let you know that I really love you. No less...but more.
Lost...the needle of the compass failed to work. My heart has no direction. I feel like being caught - in between teeth of two gears...
Like a tango, it will never be complete without two. I put my hand out here...to invite you to join me in this dance. A glorious dance - a tango for two. It will never happen if we both don't intend to make it happen. And if we want to make it happen, then it has to happen...
...before the eleventh hour.
Thursday, July 03, 200822:05
Lies...
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Today I went to Sentosa with 3 friends - Roy, Jeremy and Andre. Weather was good. I got burnt. Roy was late. Unforgivable 'cos it was intentional.
Perhaps all along I haven't found what I thought I have found...the calmness of the sea.
...how's it with him? We broke off. Two questions. One answer. Simultaneously. Different reasons...
I know people are mocking me. See ended so fast again. Why didn't you try? Try?
I lied twice today: I have tuition so I couldn't join you guys for dinner; my tutee canceled tuition so I'm free to cook with you. The matter of fact is I canceled tuition and I wanted to have dinner with you - 'cos I miss you.
Yes I might appear as a serial dater. I never wanted to quit in relationships or dating. Each time I got onto a new dating phase, people would come and tell me: oh you get over him very quickly hor? You wanna know the truth? I have never tried to get over anyone. It's hard to even try...
...it could only have been us two at Sentosa only that day. Perhaps it'll happen someday...
You and Me - Lifehouse
What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive I can't keep up and I can't back down I've been losing so much time
'Cos it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to lose And it's you and me and all other people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right I'm tripping on words You've got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here
'Cos it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to prove And it's you and me and all other people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now I can't quite figure out Everything she does is beautiful Everything she does is right
'Cos it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to lose And it's you and me and all other people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you and me and all other people with nothing to do Nothing to prove And it's you and me and all other people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive
Isn't love all about trying?
Wednesday, July 02, 200823:56
Chill?
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Emm...I'm not agitated. I'm speaking from a very calm mood. Not targeting or blaming anyone. Just saying my thoughts after thinking through what I've been through for the past half a year.
Love is not about calculating how much you can give or have given; love is about giving - and giving unconditionally...
23:02
Oh...and that's L.I.F.E.
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
Life is a journey. Like love. And both are very trying processes. Sometimes you could put in a lot of soul and effort but that might not translate to a good outcome and vice versa. But one thing we could never deny is that each experience is a teaching lesson. A relationship shouldn't be measured by its span. Instead, it should be measured by the amount of memories it cast in the hearts of two beings. So, next time when a poor soul is deeply hurt after coming out from a one week relationship, don't tell him: com'on it's only a week...
Last week today I went out with this moody guy at night 'cos I was equally moody. He told me guys in this circle only look for 3 things in another guy - money, looks and bods. As sad and as superficial as it might sound, it's true. I'm not going to be a hypocrite to deny that I'm a superficial prick - 'cos for a matter of fact, I am. Well, for me, looks and bods are important. No need to look extremely cute, just need to be pleasing to my eyes. No need to be hunky, just an average Joe will do. Money? Ha...that's the last thing I look for in a partner 'cos it never fails to make me feel inferior...maybe it's an MCP thing. I don't know but I know it sucks knowing that I wouldn't be able to provide well for my other half.
Well, I know that at the end of the day, I'm looking for a guy who is not materialistic - someone who lives realistically if I may add. 'Cos I'm not a person who prizes the act of someone who presents me with say a LV wallet, no doubt I'll be happy. Thad on Valentine's Day presented me with a stone. It's something that I treasure the most 'til this day. It's not diamond. It's neither sapphire nor ruby. It's really just a piece of pebble no bigger than my palm. But, it has the glow-in-the-dark 'Thad loves Sam' letterings stuck on them - and ornamented with many small heart shaped stickers. It's worthless in terms of monetary value, but behind it, there is a huge story - the story of two penguins. It's a huge vision of what two lives compasses - for us, well, it's used to...this dream could have been shattered. But no one could steal the lovely moments we once shared...nor could steal the hurtful insults we hurred at each other in moments of conflicts.
Just look at a note with face value of 10 bucks. It might mean nothing - to both you and me. But when it comes from someone who is so broke that he only has that 10 bucks - it's all he has. And it's his everything. It means you're his everything, too - and perhaps, more than himself. He might be ashame that he could not give you more, but he's willing to give up his everything just to let you have it. Isn't it more touching than someone who has unlimited wealth to doll you up but could never part with his soul for you? I'm sorry but I'm beginning to despise people who lives for money and the apparent goodness it could bring 'cos love is never about these goodies...
I always look for guys around my age with no career with no assets - with nothing basically. 'Cos that way, love would then be about building a common future. A dream...which love should be about all the time. Thad knew I loved him. 'Cos after each fight, we still held each other tightly. Too bad we had many fundamentals differences with our ideals that prevented us from a shared future...
...well, I just came out of another dating phase. Sad it might sound. I was trying hard to bridge the distance. We spent a lot of time together - but there was no attention. That's the damage one tiff could cause. But it's not going to deprive me of the yesterday we had...
Yesterday - Leona Lewis
I just can't believe you're gone Still waiting for morning to come Wanna see if the sun will rise Even without you by my side
When we had so much in store Tell me what is it i'm reaching for When we're through building memories I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made They can take the music that we'll never play All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday They can take the future that we'll never know They can take the places that we said we would go All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
You always used to stay I should be thankful for everyday Heaven knows what the future holds Or at least how the story goes
I know i'll see you again i'm sure No, it's not selfish to ask for more One more night, one more day One more smile on you face But they can't take yesterday
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made They can take the music that we'll never play All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday They can take the future that we'll never know They can take the places that we said we would go All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
I thought our days would last forever 'Cos in my mind, we had so much time But i was so wrong Now I can, believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made I'm looking back on yesterday
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made They can take the music that we'll never play All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday They can take the future that we'll never know They can take the places that we said we would go All the broken dreams Take everything Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday But they can never have yesterday
Well, time might be running short for me but it's not going to deprive me my dream. Still, love is not something that should be rush. Patience, I should tell myself, always...
Why enslaved ourselves to money?
Tuesday, July 01, 200805:07
Emolicious!
samUel wants to say... 言いたい…
I couldn't sleep. Still a bit moody and emo about everything...ha so I started singing. There's this song by Faber Drive. I know you're going to go again but it's kinda nice. It reminded me how I got to know you. I still remember you were wearing this yellow singlet at the bar. Your friendliness was what that attracted me. The first time we went out was 5 days later. You were wearing this Esprit white t-shirt, this blue grey colored shorts and this pair of Pedro brown loafers. We had a long chat - at the beach past midnight. I guess I could never forget that.
When I'm with You - Faber Drive
Saw you walk in to the room Thought I'd try to talk to you Babe, am I ever glad you wanted me to It's been two years to the day Half the time I've been away I know I'm not there enough But that's gonna change 'Cos I'm coming back To show you that I'm keeping the promise I made
When I'm with you I'll make every second count 'Cos I miss you whenever you're not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies Years from now I'll make every second count When I'm with you
Yeah, we've had our ups and downs But we've always worked 'em out Babe, am I ever glad we got this far now Still I'm lying here tonight Wishing I was by your side 'Cos when I'm not there enough Nothing feels right So I'm coming back to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life
When I'm with you I'll make every second count 'Cos I miss you, whenever your not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies Years from now I'll make every second count When I'm with you
Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made
When I'm with you I'll make every second count 'Cos i miss you Yeah
When I'm with you I'll make every second count 'Cos I miss you, whenever your not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies Years from now I'll make every second count
When I'm with you When I'm with you When I'm with you When I'm with you
Here's a little segment I sang...a bit out of tune but...
Fate creates the chance for two to meet but choice is what keeps them together...
A lot of things are fated and unexplainable. I often tell Roy that, and yet I often get into dating or relationship quickly. And often than not, out as quickly. Maybe it's 'cos I was scared of feeling lonely...and it's only worse having no one by only four walls at home. If I were the me a few months back, I would have very persisted for a reason. But this time, I didn't ask for one. Perhaps there was no reason. Perhaps I already knew the reason, or even reasons. And what if I knew? And what if I don't?None of them is going to change the outcome.
I have felt the empty void for a long time back, yet I never brought it to table and try to find ways to change it. It's funny that you eventually feel it after I managed to ignore it. I knew this was coming. Yet I wasn't feeling okay when it came...but at least I guess I am now. I guess...maybe the tiredness is drowning it out for the moment. But it's good at least - that I'm not thinking exactly straight.
There was this song I found from your iPod. I kinda like this song. And another one by the same band.
This song is saying exactly what I had to say before this confrontation...
Tongue Tied - Faber Drive
Bright, cold silver moon Tonight alone in my room You were here just yesterday Slight turn of the head Eyes down when you said I guess I need my life to change Seems like some things just aren't the same What could I say?
I need a little more luck, than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck, the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help, than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars I wonder just where you are You feel a million miles away (I wonder just where you are) Was it something I said? Or something I never did? Or was I always in the way? (Was it something I did?) Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck, than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck the words won't fit But every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help, than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
...and this one says exactly what I'm feeling now...
Second Chance - Faber Drive
I found the phone I must've missed your message You got it wrong, it wasn't what your friend said Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
Your friends are telling you: you gotta move on (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why I ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you again
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
I should've known, took you and I for granted Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why i ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you again
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
My last mistake, putting my friends first I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
What you give is always what you get There's so much I haven't given yet If you could give another second chance (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why I ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
My last mistake, putting my friends first I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse You were the first to give I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place to get a second chance
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
...I thought by ignoring things, they could sort themselves out as we bring things to a whole new level. But things don't get sorted themselves out. I was just escaping. I'm sorry I doubted us. But one thing I never doubted is the feelings we had...
I'm not going to brood over things. It will only sour our friendship - and that's what left of us. If things were meant to happen again, it will and I hope so - 'cos I'm starting to miss you. Quite badly, actually...still, I'm not going to do anything about it 'cos if I were to do more I, the more artificial and more awkward things would turn out. Thanks for your iPod when mine was in the repair store. It was really sweet of you...I guess I still haven't thank you for that.
Songs - somehow manage to understand what you want to say. Uncannily.
