A lot of things are fated and unexplainable. I often tell Roy that, and yet I often get into dating or relationship quickly. And often than not, out as quickly. Maybe it's 'cos I was scared of feeling lonely...and it's only worse having no one by only four walls at home. If I were the me a few months back, I would have very persisted for a reason. But this time, I didn't ask for one. Perhaps there was no reason. Perhaps I already knew the reason, or even reasons. And what if I knew? And what if I don't?None of them is going to change the outcome.
I have felt the empty void for a long time back, yet I never brought it to table and try to find ways to change it. It's funny that you eventually feel it after I managed to ignore it. I knew this was coming. Yet I wasn't feeling okay when it came...but at least I guess I am now. I guess...maybe the tiredness is drowning it out for the moment. But it's good at least - that I'm not thinking exactly straight.
There was this song I found from your iPod. I kinda like this song. And another one by the same band.
This song is saying exactly what I had to say before this confrontation...
Tongue Tied - Faber Drive
Bright, cold silver moon Tonight alone in my room You were here just yesterday Slight turn of the head Eyes down when you said I guess I need my life to change Seems like some things just aren't the same What could I say?
I need a little more luck, than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck, the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help, than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars I wonder just where you are You feel a million miles away (I wonder just where you are) Was it something I said? Or something I never did? Or was I always in the way? (Was it something I did?) Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck, than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit 'Cos every time I get stuck the words won't fit But every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help, than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet 'Cos every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
...and this one says exactly what I'm feeling now...
Second Chance - Faber Drive
I found the phone I must've missed your message You got it wrong, it wasn't what your friend said Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
Your friends are telling you: you gotta move on (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why I ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you again
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
I should've known, took you and I for granted Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why i ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you again
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
My last mistake, putting my friends first I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
What you give is always what you get There's so much I haven't given yet If you could give another second chance (Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again)
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone (Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again) You turned around so I could tell you what took so long I don't know why I ever waited to say 'Cos I'm just dying just to see you
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
My last mistake, putting my friends first I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse You were the first to give I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place to get a second chance
Instead of holding you, I was holding out I should've let you in, but I let you down You were the first to give, I was the first to ask Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance
...I thought by ignoring things, they could sort themselves out as we bring things to a whole new level. But things don't get sorted themselves out. I was just escaping. I'm sorry I doubted us. But one thing I never doubted is the feelings we had...
I'm not going to brood over things. It will only sour our friendship - and that's what left of us. If things were meant to happen again, it will and I hope so - 'cos I'm starting to miss you. Quite badly, actually...still, I'm not going to do anything about it 'cos if I were to do more I, the more artificial and more awkward things would turn out. Thanks for your iPod when mine was in the repair store. It was really sweet of you...I guess I still haven't thank you for that.
Songs - somehow manage to understand what you want to say. Uncannily.
